NYME (supposed to be cleverly posted on NYE but...life).
I guess I've started a tradition by doing this last year. You're a friend if you read this, I'd understand if you didn't. It’s about a 7 minute read, (I know because I googled it).
2015 was all about Me.
I started the year surrounded by married couples as I sat alone with a red bull. I was single, jobless, and the designated driver.
A month later I got offered my best career opportunity to date. I'm now a User Experience Designer and Consultant at a firm I'd place higher than any acronymed consulting firm in history.
I increased my income two fold, I didn't have to look at my bank account before buying chipotle anymore.
For how grateful I was, I was still anxious, then depressed, then numb.
I lost myself.
I wondered if maybe I wasn't so special, if I'd peaked in college, if I wasn't meant to be successful. It sure didn't feel like I deserved what I'd gained for how sad I was, I felt sick. I went to bed at 7 and talked to stupid people who didn't ask hard questions. I checked out.
I was late to everything under the guise of “stress” which, I’ve found, it’s just a word for improper planning.
I was over indulgent, selfish, and, at times, irresponsible.
So I kept being selfish. I decided to take care of myself again, to love myself, and figure out what made me happy. I was on a ruthless journey to happiness, and I decided I was going to do exactly what I wanted to do, regardless of what everyone else said.
Do you remember who you were before the world told you what you should be?
I was a west Texas girl who liked to draw horses and dogs and play alone. I was the nerd who taught herself photoshop and code so she could spend her weekends making custom xanga layouts for her friends. I was a Harry Potter freak, a reader, a political guru, and philosophical, future-forward thinker. I was a writer, a debater, and total tomboy in the head. I loved my family and believed I'd find true love but it's not what I dreamed about at night.
So I built what I did dream about. I moved out of my frat house disguised as an uptown apartment, and into my own place complete with stained concrete floors and massive ceilings.
I found the perfect desk to create at. I found bar stools the that look like tractor seats (because Midland). I showcased all of my Dirk Fowler posters and design books. I hung my diploma because Texas Tech is a damn fine school.
I found a futon at Walmart, because my life isn't about naps anymore.
I had two men who are like brothers to me build the most beautiful bed I've ever seen. I found a big white rug that tricks you into thinking you took ecstasy, and no one appreciated it as much as me…until...
Well, I found myself sitting on my patio reading "A Brave New World" under a hot July moon (did I successfully get Strawberry Wine in your head? You’re welcome) on a Friday night in Dallas, TX. I was fully content and completely alone. I realized I’d found myself again.
*Ding*. A text from Jamie Sarten, a long time Lubbock friend, inviting me to a pool party at her boyfriend's parent’s house.
Enter Richard Carrizales II
I can't write much about Richard because it might become a manifesto.
If you know us, you kind of get it.
But I will say, I've found someone who knows me and gets me, all of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. He loves it all.
I've been shown love and grace and gratitude. I've become more humble, more loving, more selfless. I appreciate what I have, where I’m from, and where I'm at a million times more.
Richard has been a catalyst of positive change that has rippled down into the rest of my life.
I’ve always found joy the little things, noticed what others didn’t, got excited over efficiency…and I thought that made me weird; but my counterpart is even weirder, so now it’s a party. Thank you, Richard.
I love Dallas.
I love Texas. I love my family and that extends far beyond blood (you know who you are). I love design. I love people. I love the weirdos. I love innovation that matters. I love Jesus. And I love myself.
I figured out that following "God’s Plan” for you doesn’t necessarily mean shipping yourself overseas as a missionary. It’s simply going after what you actually love, not what the world tells you to love, then doing that with a humble heart and His guidance.
I’ve found out that adulthood is all about figuring out how true cliché phrases are. They’re so empowering when you understand them.
Be yourself. Love yourself. BE SELFISH.
If you have not taken the time to be selfish and determine what your dreams, goals, and passions are, then you aren’t any closer to helping society. I mean it.
It’s okay to be figuring it out. I understand myself better everyday, because knowledge of self only leads to more knowledge.
Are you still with me? Thanks.
This is me, being over indulgent one more time. Talking about me, one more time. But it’s all to say, that…
2016 is all about YOU.
I’ve done the discovery phase that I need, I know my passions, my strengths and my goals, and I’ve aligned myself with the right people to help me. Because it’s all about people, just like my father said when I told him I can do everything alone. It is ALL about people.
So in 2016, you’ll be seeing a little less of me. Literally.
I’m quite pretty, I wear some neat outfits and I go to cool places in them. We get it. Enough about me.
Let’s discover some new things together. Let’s aspire to create some things that matter.
I’m going to be doing and listening more and talking a lot less.
I'll be designing, reading, traveling, learning and writing.
I’ll keep you updated.
Please Reach Out
If you feel more similar to how I did at the beginning of 2015, if you’ve lost yourself, please reach out to me. My honesty in this blog is my vow to not judge, nor share. I know some tips that might help now, and I’d love to share them with you.
It’s great to be alive again. Let’s go do some good.